Thursday, February 23, 2006

Dear Hot Dude,

Dear Hot Dude @ my Gym,

After I spoke with you today I wanted to say a few words:

- Yes, your abs are very ripped. I’m glad my advice helped, those things could cut paper. But if you keep lifting your shirt and asking me to feel how hard they are I will have to resort to using my tongue.

- Yes, I am jealous of your tan. Your Mediterranean skin and seven day a week tanning certainly brings out the definition and makes your skin look impossibly smooth. This does not mean you can make fun of my pasty whiteness.

- No, I don’t want to meet your girlfriend. I don’t care how appreciative she is over her man’s new cuts. I don’t like her, she gets to sleep with you and I don’t therefore I don’t like her, and would probably push her down stairs given the opportunity.

- Yes, I’m serious. You should have pictures taken while you are in such top condition. You may never get to this point again. If your girlfriend wont do it, I will. My way includes a lot of oil (applied by me) and skimpy speedos to set off your tight thighs and ample ass, hers will be in your kitchen using a phone camera in your gym gear…. Its your choice.

- Please do not set me up with your girlfriend’s best friend. Yes, double dating can be fun but trust me she isn’t my type. She is lacking certain attributes that I require in a date, balls and a cock being top of the list. And the only time I want my date to have “big tits” is if they are gained through bench pressing cars. Although they should never refer to them as ‘tits’.

- Sure, anytime you need more advice I am happy to give it to you. I like to help. I also like the way you stand 2 feet in front of me and flex the body part you want to work on…. That’s a nice bonus.

- No, I can’t stand up from my bench to show you cable curls. Your repeated flexing and shirt lifting has left me unable to stand, my pants aren’t baggy enough to provide for that kind of movement.

- Oh god, please don’t ask me to spot you for squats. Seriously, NO.

- Yes, I will see you at the same time tomorrow. I’m here everyday, at the same time, the fact that coincides with your workout is just coincidence, really.




At 4:46 PM, Blogger Darien Markess said...

That's hysterical. And I sooooo know what you mean!

At 8:54 AM, Blogger Hashamyim said...

Yes, I'm from London and just chanced upon this by accident, but that is genuinely the type of crap that winds me up. Good going young man. And I wouldn't mind having a workout with you ;-)



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