Friday, February 16, 2007

Happy Birthday To SyntheticEgo

Holy fucking cow!! My first post on this blog was one year ago today.

What a year, who would have thought??
I know a year ago I never thought:

I would be out of work.
Last year I was stuck in my job and in too deep to be able to get out without letting down alot of people. I was stuck and I didn't like that feeling. This blog was an outcome of that, an escape everyday where I could relive all of the better parts of my life away from that goddamn office.

So Many people tune in to read my stories.
Last year I started writing this blog so I could feel as though something I was doing counted. I was hooked on a few blogs and they made life sound so adventurous, fun and sexy. I wanted life to be like that. It wasn't about having thousands read my blog, I remember jumping out of my office chair when I realised that a whole 10 people had checked out my post for that day. Today tens of thousands of people every month read my posts and provide feedback to my life. And I deeply honestly appreciate every single one who comes and spends some time here.

Im a goddamn bodybuilder.

A year ago I hadn't even realised I could compete! Now I sit here a year later staring at the trophies on my shelf and in training for a National Title!! I never would have thought or imagined or even dreamt about being a bodybuilder. Now Im a competitive athlete. That blows my mind.


I've performed as a DJ to a public audience.

I've been playing with music and spinning records in my home studio for a few years. But only ever did it for my own enjoyment and bringing a little bit of the nightlife I enjoyed in my Emerald City home to the hills. I never would have thought a year ago that I would have spun a set in one of my home town's premier venues to a crowd of friends and strangers.

I've traveled through America and lived in Venice Beach.

A year ago I was stuck. I couldn't even take a day off work. No how. A year ago I would never have thought that the first thing I would do after I quite was to travel. But off I went, I spend two months in a country that changed me so completely. I spend a month living in an apartment on one of the most beautiful beaches of the planet and reinvigorated my vision of who I was and what I was truly passionate about.



I have spent an entire year without feeling love.

A year ago I don't think I was thinking about things like this. But if I had Im sure that I wouldn't have thought that I spent an entire year without feeling any kind of connection with anyone. To the point where I became worried that I wouldn't be able to love. And Im not talking about the love I have with my family, thats just a different thing. Im talking about the lazing in bed, kissing because its fun, spending time together doing nothing, fucking over and over and over kind of love.

I found some heroes and role models.

A year ago I was struggling to aspire. I feel that for me to be truly successful and happy I need rolemodels and see people doing what things that are reflective of my life. A lot of life is based on seeing how other people do things and using that as a way of making decisions for themselves.
A year ago I was struggling to find anyone who I could look to as inspiration and mentoring. Sure there were people who were successful in business and bodybuilding and life and so on.... but no one who really struck a chord with being a reflection of who I was or could be. No one who resounded with me to who I could identify with being a strong, passionate and happy gay man. A year ago I thought that was likely to keep happening. Until in an unlikely place, for an unlikely trip I met a couple of heroes and found some rolemodels. And that helped me so much as I move through trying to workout where my life is going right now.

I found happiness.

A year ago I would never have thought that I would so quickly find happiness. I also found frustration, excitement, joy, hope, anticipation.... The feelings of life which were all blocked a year ago by the level of stress which shut down who I was. And now a year later, I can say I feel a lot more.

And look forward to the next year. Who knows what Ill be saying "I never thought" to next year. All I know is that its going to be one hell of a ride.
So wishing Syntheticego.blogspot.com a happy birthday! (What did y'all get me for a birthday present? Is it a pony?)

4 Comments:

At 7:39 AM, Blogger Not so Single Guy said...

Happy blog birthday!!! Look forward to many more. Maybe we can celebrate tonight? See you tonight!

 
At 8:19 AM, Blogger Sue said...

This year was a ground breaking one for you Narcissus. If you think about it, you kind of found yourself and steered your life in a new direction that is more in keeping with who you are. Thus, you reached an epiphany about yourself. On this course to the true you, you will continue to find happiness; it is inevitable. Your life will only get easier and more enjoyable as you get older and wiser and continue to do the things YOU want, as opposed to those others want for you. I say, "Rock on Narcissus!!!" It is only going to get better from here on.

Now, isn't that better than a pony?

 
At 7:47 AM, Blogger Superdrewby said...

hmmmmmm a prancing pony maybe?

you'll have to fight my husband for a prancing pony though

seriously congrats on a year of blogging and discovery!

 
At 7:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Immodest of me, but the windmill photo was a dead giveaway. Believe me, the inspiration on several levels was and is mutual.

As you prepare for your competition, I prepare for mine. And try as I may, I'm yet to find a training partner who fires me up the way you did that weekend. Nor have I found another who evokes that almost fraternal feeling I felt at the train station on that fucking cold desert morning.

Be well, my friend.
J.

 

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