Synthetic Ego

Happy Birthday To SyntheticEgo

Holy fucking cow!! My first post on this blog was one year ago today.

What a year, who would have thought??
I know a year ago I never thought:

I would be out of work.
Last year I was stuck in my job and in too deep to be able to get out without letting down alot of people. I was stuck and I didn't like that feeling. This blog was an outcome of that, an escape everyday where I could relive all of the better parts of my life away from that goddamn office.

So Many people tune in to read my stories.
Last year I started writing this blog so I could feel as though something I was doing counted. I was hooked on a few blogs and they made life sound so adventurous, fun and sexy. I wanted life to be like that. It wasn't about having thousands read my blog, I remember jumping out of my office chair when I realised that a whole 10 people had checked out my post for that day. Today tens of thousands of people every month read my posts and provide feedback to my life. And I deeply honestly appreciate every single one who comes and spends some time here.

Im a goddamn bodybuilder.

A year ago I hadn't even realised I could compete! Now I sit here a year later staring at the trophies on my shelf and in training for a National Title!! I never would have thought or imagined or even dreamt about being a bodybuilder. Now Im a competitive athlete. That blows my mind.


I've performed as a DJ to a public audience.

I've been playing with music and spinning records in my home studio for a few years. But only ever did it for my own enjoyment and bringing a little bit of the nightlife I enjoyed in my Emerald City home to the hills. I never would have thought a year ago that I would have spun a set in one of my home town's premier venues to a crowd of friends and strangers.

I've traveled through America and lived in Venice Beach.

A year ago I was stuck. I couldn't even take a day off work. No how. A year ago I would never have thought that the first thing I would do after I quite was to travel. But off I went, I spend two months in a country that changed me so completely. I spend a month living in an apartment on one of the most beautiful beaches of the planet and reinvigorated my vision of who I was and what I was truly passionate about.



I have spent an entire year without feeling love.

A year ago I don't think I was thinking about things like this. But if I had Im sure that I wouldn't have thought that I spent an entire year without feeling any kind of connection with anyone. To the point where I became worried that I wouldn't be able to love. And Im not talking about the love I have with my family, thats just a different thing. Im talking about the lazing in bed, kissing because its fun, spending time together doing nothing, fucking over and over and over kind of love.

I found some heroes and role models.

A year ago I was struggling to aspire. I feel that for me to be truly successful and happy I need rolemodels and see people doing what things that are reflective of my life. A lot of life is based on seeing how other people do things and using that as a way of making decisions for themselves.
A year ago I was struggling to find anyone who I could look to as inspiration and mentoring. Sure there were people who were successful in business and bodybuilding and life and so on.... but no one who really struck a chord with being a reflection of who I was or could be. No one who resounded with me to who I could identify with being a strong, passionate and happy gay man. A year ago I thought that was likely to keep happening. Until in an unlikely place, for an unlikely trip I met a couple of heroes and found some rolemodels. And that helped me so much as I move through trying to workout where my life is going right now.

I found happiness.

A year ago I would never have thought that I would so quickly find happiness. I also found frustration, excitement, joy, hope, anticipation.... The feelings of life which were all blocked a year ago by the level of stress which shut down who I was. And now a year later, I can say I feel a lot more.

And look forward to the next year. Who knows what Ill be saying "I never thought" to next year. All I know is that its going to be one hell of a ride.
So wishing Syntheticego.blogspot.com a happy birthday! (What did y'all get me for a birthday present? Is it a pony?)

posted by NarcissusAU @ 6:05 PM