Friday, July 21, 2006

Dear God....

Dear God,

Firstly, let me say congrats on that whole 6 days of creation thing, if your ever looking for a job in project management I’ll always have an opening for you.
But unfortunately my letter to you today is less then glowing. I have a complaint to make in regards to some of the smaller details of your whole creationist plan.

Firstly, I have an issue with your “Grass is always greener” policy. Under this draconian plan we all have to listen to the women of the world complain that all the successful, cute and nice guys are gay. And whilst I am successful, cute and nice and gay, I don’t believe this to be the standard for my kind. Adding salt to this wound is knowing (as a gay guy) that the majority of the hot, sexy and head turning guys are in fact straight and not even a tinsy bit bi-curious. To me that’s just plain cruel.

Secondly, I’d like to ask for a rethink on your Ego allocations. Why is it that you give the confidence to the guys that really shouldn’t have it?? It always seems to be the guys who are the least fit, least attractive and least appealing to be the first to take their shirts off when working hard on construction sites. It is these guys who always do the nudie run (when the whole nudie run idea would be far more entertaining if carried out by a big, muscular man). And it’s always the least attractive guys that wear their Speedos to the beach whilst the hot guys wear the big baggy dork shorts. It just doesn’t seem right.

Finally, I need to ask that you cease and desist with that cruel joke you’re playing on us all when you allocate calories. The whole world would be a much nicer place if there were less fat people. So why do you load all the calories into the foods that taste the best? Why do I have to ignore the chocolate iced Krispy Kreme with sprinkles if I want to maintain a six pack? Surely this doesn’t make sense?? Krispy Kremes come in a six pack….so why shouldn’t I get one from eating one?? Same goes for a six-pack of beer.
It just seems a little back to front.

Now Ill let you go, I know you’ve got a lot on with the whole global warming thing. I mean it’s a nice try to get all the good looking dudes to take their shirts off for me…but seriously aren’t there better ways?




At 12:32 PM, Blogger Darien Markess said...

snicker snicker snicker Well said! Where do I sign the petition?

At 9:32 AM, Blogger Not so Single Guy said...

Yes..all the cuties are straight!


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