Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Fucked up night...

Okay, yesterday was a bad day.  We discussed it in the office as we were all waiting for the elevators, everyone in my section had a bad day.  Various reasons, no relations...it was a negative moon or something.
 
So I headed off to the gym thinking that a solid (Hard ass) Hams and Gluts workout would cheer me up.  I had an awesome workout (I am soooo motherfuking sore today!!) had excellent cardio and got all the equipment I wanted when I wanted it.  I even smashed my abs, and I mean pulverised them. 
 
At the end of all that, I was heading back up to the station when a shadow catches my eye.  A girl, no older then 15 or so sitting on the front steps of a building facing onto the street.
I tend to notice everyone around me at this time of night (paranoid much?) but thought that this girl sitting there was slightly off.  As I got closer I started to see something smeared all over her hands and arms.  Closer still I realised that it was dripping off her fingers onto the footpath. Closer still I realised that she was slashing her arms with a razor blade, she was self-mutilating.
 
Ah huh....see ya.
 
I kept walking, sucking in deep breaths.  I have a major blood phobia.  Major.  And this girls was covered in it and smearing it all around.  I kept walking and breathing, I got to the end of the next block and pulled out my mobile to call Triple 0 (the Australian emergency number, like 911 or 999) I reported the girl to the ambulance service and the operator was so a) professional and nice and b) really, really thankful that I called.
 
I ended the call and then down I went.
I know, I know...I sound like a pussy.  I don't know where it comes from or what its linked to, but sometimes it just hits me.  (And not consistently either...eg I can watch surgery on the discovery channel no problems, the goriest of operations.  But watching someone get a cholesterol or diabetes pin prick test, bad news)
So anyway, I'm sitting on the ground propped against a fence with my head heavy in my hands and the world spinning.  Sweat running down my forehead. 
And there I stayed, until the world stood still and I could stand up again.
 
Away I went to catch my train.  Until I got to the station and just felt so guilty about leaving that girl there by herself. I understand self-mutilation and the power it can have.
I decided to go back.  By the time I got to the street I felt a little embarrassed at making the call.  In front of my on the street were 5 police cars slowly trawling the kerbs looking for this girl.  It was a big scene, that my phone call had created.
 
I waved down one of the police cars and they wound down their window.  I introduced myself as the guy who made the call.  They asked me about where I had seen here and a more detailed description. 
They said they had found the blood on the kerb and a blade, but not the girl.  I said I was sorry I couldn't hang around to watch on her while help arrived for her but the Police said that making a call was more then most would do.  
I feel as though I should have stayed.  The police say I should be proud of what I did, and could have stopped her from going too far...
I think I should have stayed.  But then I know they would have been calling the ambulance for me.
 
I hope she finds the help she needs.  I hope she finds the peace inside herself she needs to escape the cycle of self mutilation. 
 

9 Comments:

At 6:03 PM, Blogger Not so Single Guy said...

You did the right thing. Most people would have just walked away and done nothing.

 
At 1:27 AM, Blogger Life,Love,Travel said...

Yeah, reading the story and understanding your phobia you totally did the right thing.

More people need to have that courage..
And one of the major rules in helping others is not to get yourself in danger!

 
At 1:40 AM, Blogger Sue said...

You can only do what you are capable of and you did.

 
At 10:33 AM, Blogger Superdrewby said...

You did well, living in the city you see so much stuff you start to become quite immune to this sort of stuff

 
At 4:14 PM, Blogger brenton said...

It's fantastic that you called... A lot of people wouldn't have. A few years ago some friend from the surf club and I looked after a guy that had overdosed. Thankfully we didn't need to do mouth to mouth. His tranny girlfriend was just standing around bored and wandered off.
SO many people walked straight past, a doctor asked if everything was ok, as did a nurse, but neither of them touched him as they would then have been legally obliged to help.
Quite sad!

 
At 10:39 PM, Blogger coinlockerbaby said...

Long time no post (>_<) Hope all's well.

 
At 1:34 PM, Blogger Darien Markess said...

Well done.

 
At 8:23 AM, Blogger brenton said...

Hey gorgeous... you ok? You haven't posted for a while.
We miss you!

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Steven said...

I just can't believe she did that in public (if not, at all).

 

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