Synthetic Ego

Looking for the easier way...

Awwww Brenton! Your so cute, worrying about me in my comments section.  Thanks.
 
But just to explain where I am right now Ill let you guys know a thing or two:
 
**Oh and if your expecting a humorous, positive or sexy post (like you know Im good at) don't read further.  This gets pretty dark, but this is my forum for my feelings and I need to get this stuff down.  Even if its just to record whats been happening.**
 
 
First I was looking for somewhere to live, it all sounds so exciting.  A two bedroom apartment, somewhere around the city, modern kitchen and my new lifestyle.  Well, I've looked at over 15 apartments, applied for 13 of them and continue to get knocked back.  The market for housing in my Emerald City leaves me wondering if Ill ever find my own place to live.  Of course all this takes time and effort which is a little thin on the ground when your working 50 hours a week, commuting on a train four and a half hours and in training for the National Bodybuilding Championships. 
However, I continue to push onwards and hopefully just as my perfect job found me at the bottom of despair my new apartment will find me when the time is right....
 
So while all that is (and continues to be) going on my Mother was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.  A which point she was then booked in for the operation to have the tumour removed. 
Between the diagnosis and the operation my Grandmother (on my mothers side) died.  So my mother had to decide whether she wanted to go home to England for the funeral (and put off her own operation), tuff times.  For me it was a no brainer, but I can get pretty black and white on some subjects and understand why she may have wanted to go home to grieve with her family. 
My Grandmother was fairly ill, weakened over a period of ailments so the end was neigh and a quite relief. 
 
Mum stayed and had the operation, her recover from which was without complication but still very hard.  She couldn't do a lot of what she usually did around the house for a while, so on top of everything else I was doing I had quite a few long (loooong) nights (and busy weekends) cleaning the house and making sure there was enough food cooked so Mum and Dad kept eating well.
The good news came from the doctor a week later.  The advanced tests on the tumour showed it to be benign and the diagnosis was proven incorrect.  The tumour had to be removed anyway, but this meant none of the harsher stuff had to be done.  (Horay!)
 
So just as Im getting over all of that with Mum's getting back to normal and me being busier then ever trying to find a place to live, hit some awesome homeruns at work and geting ready to get a top five placing at the Asia Pacific Championships in October (working with my new coach).... then I got this email yesterday at work:
 
"last night with the results of <<my dog>>*  tests

I'm in so late at night, and out the door so early in the morning they didn't know how else to tell me. 
I spent the whole day trying to not cry at work.... And I didn't even shed a single tear. 
 
I'm going to miss my buddy.....
 
Hopefully, soon things will settle a bit and Ill feel like/have the time to write some more.  But right now, I just don't want to think about it all....I think if I stop to think I may not get going again.
 
I'm going to the gym.
 

posted by NarcissusAU @ 1:37 PM