"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning." -Louise L'Amour
That's it. I'm done. Thanks...It's been one hell of a ride.
This is my 200th post, it will also be my last on this Blog.
I've been going through my post history deleting these posts one at a time and I realized just how much I covered on here. In my mind this was always a sex Blog but after writing about all the stuff I needed to share there were far more of my life on show then I had thought, and you guys were here to share along in it.
Changing my job and my location, my competitive bodybuilding career, sex, sex and sex. My battle with cancer and my battle to find myself.
But now that's done. When I started this blog I was closeted, alone, misguided and looking to find my place. I used it as a place where I could be out and honest and truthful to myself while existing in a life which was all about half truth.
I am now living my life in honesty and of the moment. This is part of reason I no longer need the outlet of this Blog. Whilst the journey to find my place continues I can close off this part of my life knowing that the dreams I had when it started have now become part of my life.
I have made many tremendous contacts and many great friends through this blog. Relationships that I hope will continue on into my continued adventures in my Emerald City.
This Blog at times achieved a notoriety that sent over 30,000 people to its address per month. This is an amazing number to me and beyond even my wildest expectations. And whilst is was fun and what I needed in the past, over the last few months every time I came to write a post for Synthetic Ego the wrong things came out.
No longer were my posts about sex and boys and muscle. They became about equality, justice, homophobia, violence towards gays and politics. I never posted these thoughts as these issues deserved more respect then as a side bar to another muscle fuck. But as I get more of the 'stuff' that I wanted I can see that there is far more important issues for us to deal with.
The apathy that I had in the face of my own personal journey has made way for a silent rage at the barrage of inequities that we all face as Gay, Lesbian, Transgender and Bisexual people. Our sexuality is not a choice but our silent acceptance of the modern reality is. I can no longer choose this acceptance. Hence I move on from this blog.
And this is it. This is the end of my sexcapades, Narcissus style...
But not before a big thank you to everyone who read along, left comments or laughed at my intended humor and my not intended humor (hell, Ill take it anyway I can get it...). Thank you for coming along and letting me feel like I was being listened to, that my stories had interest and were relatable and were real. Everything that I wrote on this blog was the truth of my life and you'all stuck around to share that. You didn't judge, you sent your support when I was down or lost, you made the last two years quite a ride. And I doubt I would be the kinda guy I am today without the input and influence you have all had along the way.
Thanks to everyone in Blogland that linked to me, that always felt nice.
So now its time to press the magic "Publish" button and finish my fairwell... beginning is always the hardest thing to do.
Oh and one thing I did forget to mention was my gym session today at Citygym. I've made a few changes to my appearance lately and obviously as I get closer to comp time I'm starting to look pretty lean (and with a great fake tan too!)
Well the ultimate result of all this change is that I was getting quite a few stares at the gym....so much so that my coach thought it was funny enough to mention.
"Your getting all of the attention today aren't you?" He laughed as yet another guy almost walked into a pole checking me out. "Yeah its been happening alot recently. The guys at the front desk think its hillarious how all the girls are talking about me at my other gym!" I responded, head visably expanding. "Yeah, but its not the girls looking at you here!!" He laughed heartily, "Your not worried about it are you? They're all pretty harmless..." He said indicating towards the guys in the gym. I smiled....
So here I am, its a Saturday night and I'm sitting here in my apartment just relaxing. And I love it. Just being by myself and doing nothing. Such an amazing thing, such an amazing feeling. For a long time all I've had is things to do and places to go.... right now Im looking at tomorrow thinking that beyond the gym, there is nothing I have to do... Im thinking I might go to the city, maybe go to the contemporary museum... Something different and interesting and very Sydney.
Because I can.
And I know thats not very sexy, and perhaps a bit boring compared to the more graphic stories that I tell here...but its what I feel like doing. Alternatively I could just stay on my couch and watch DVDs all day. And I haven't don't that in over a year!! (Doing nothing is something I have to work at... not something that I can just do)
The game began, a tug of war. Mano a mano, him staring eye to eye him waiting for me to flinch. I just stared back, my eyebrow raised in a 'is that all you have?' kinda look. He pulled harder, and I just looked back at him. His smile ever increasing. "This is fuking amazing" he said as he dug down low and really stretch my sack to the limits. Finally my knees gave and I started to yelp. Aw Aw Aw Aw!! Ah, I can take it like a man...but broken I whine like a injured dog... He quickly strips the strapping off my package and sucks my hard cock into his mouth. I'm standing in the middle of the living room watching this muscle man, on his knees, sucking my cock down until his chin pushed back on my balls in the wall of mirrors which panel the far wall of the room. (Don't worry, aesthetically it actually worked really well and wasn't as tacky as it sounds in description) So anyway, Im watching this guy's huge, broad, flaring back swoop up and down onto my pulsing rock hard cock. I grab his head and work his mouth over my cock, fucking his face in and out. Spit starts to overflow his mouth and run down his chin. I stoop down and grab his nipples, using the leverage to pull him to his feet. We kiss again, his heavily moistened mouth tasted both of him and me as our hands ran over and over our pecs, arms and capped delts. Two dudes messing around like dudes. It was fuking hot. We sit down next to each other and just disappear into each other as we caress bodies and suck each other's tongues. He starts to get a bit distracted, I could feel him pulling away from me like something was wrong.... He looks at me and then his watch. "We have to finish by 6. I have dinner plans." I roll my eyes, makes sense. At least I would get to eat soon. That's me, always looking for the silver lining. "I didn't think this would be so hot. I didn't even think you would turn up!!" which is true, Internet hook ups very rarely work out. I gave him kudos for the way he handled it. I could have been offended, but really, Why? "Thats cool" I said. That's when I went off to the toilet... by the time I got back he had his jeans on and was sipping from his glass of water. "What are you doing?" I asked in a very direct way. "God man, I hope we can finish this off sometime, but I have plans." He said in a pained voice. It all matched in with what I'd seen so far. This guy was a total babe but couldn't see it, a hot muscle dude who doesn't think he's buff. He didn't think that I would turn up, and yet again he would be stood up. He also couldn't believe that a guy my age would want to play with a guy his age. Pretty standard low self esteem stuff. I guess he'd already thought that I wouldn't be interested enough to get pass whatever 'base' we had made it to on the couch. "Nah uh mate." I replied. "Not after all this, my balls will be so blue and sore...." "Okay, Well get you off then..." he said putting his drink down. "Fuck that. Get your pants off, we're both getting off right now." The grin on his face was priceless. Like a kid at Christmas. I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and pushed him onto his bed which was down the hall. In a second I had his jeans off and was going to town on his cock which was quickly reacting to the new plan. He was on his back and I was on all fours over him attacking his cock with great delight. His hands made their way down my arched back as they wrapped around my torso. He grabbed at my dick and balls working them together to create a rocket wave of pleasure ridding up my spine. He got faster and so did I. I could feel him quivering and his body get tighter. His muscles swelled and flexed as his body took over and started to jerk and spasm. I pull off his cock and chomp down on his nipples while pulling at his cock with my fist. He let out a god almighty moan as one last spasm tensed his whole body and warm milky cum pumped vigorously out his cock and over my pumping fist. The slight sheen of sweat now covering his body made his smooth skin slick as he rolled around and climbed atop of my now prone body. We had swapped places as he went to work on my cock balls and thighs. Gently and hard, fast and slow all over the place. He knew what he was doing. On the edge and held there I look at him as he again sucked just the very head of my massively bulging and throbbing cock into his mouth to yet again slide his tongue over my blood engorged glans. "Dude, Im going to cum. And if you don't back away your going to drown" I warned him. With his mouth so close to my cock, and my cock so close to exploding I wanted him to know what he was in for. One last pull of my balls and away I went. The first shot sailed up and splashed against his lips. He pulled back as volley after volley pulsed out of my cock and landed on my chest, on the bed and ultimately over my head onto the wall and bed head. "oh shit" was all he could say through the laughing as he watched my cum fly. "Holy shit!"
As the waves passed I rolled my head back to see my cum rolling down his plush bed head. "oh shit, sorry!" apologizing for the mess I had made. "I warned you. I shoot big! Its always messy...." "Fucking don't worry about that, that was amazing. I've never seen anything like it" "but then again, you are young" Argh.... Next he'll be calling me boy again!
Clean up, clothes and out of there.... Just the way I like to leave it.
Wow. I really flogged myself at the gym yesterday. It was Hams and Gluts day and I smashed em, smashed em good! You can always tell when I am a) not in the mood to work out and b) going to fuck myself up because of it when I walk into the gym with my iPod blasting in my ears. Normally I don't like iPods in the gym, I find them antisocial and kinda distracting.... But sometimes I just need to get some very loud music blasting my inner ear to stop the voices in my head from saying: "that's okay, your done...just go home" "your so tired how can you do any more?".... Yesterday I wore my iPod. Today I am sore and hobbling around the office, everyone here knows what that means. I keep getting high fives from the other managers.
It also meant that when I got home last night, there was a short detour via the shower to my bed. I was asleep before my body had left vertical. Unfortunately that means I didn't get to add the next instalment with my lycra muscle man.
Tonight Ill be adding more.... this guy was so damn hot. It gave me plenty to write about.
We sink into each other on the deep coach. Stripping clothes and exploring our bodies. Im still at my beefy stage, so my arms are thick and my pecs sit firm and heavy on my broad chest. His body is tight and lean, smooth all over and perfectly tanned from the sun. I have my hair pulled back, he comments as he reaches around and pulls the elastic out of my hair "I love a guy with long hair" and with that my hair falls forward and over my face. He brushes my hair to one side like a silk curtain and kisses me gently on the lips. The gentleness of his touch surprises me in comparison to the aggressiveness we had just attacked each other with. It was nice, I smiled. "Your such a sweat boy" he smiled back.
I hate being called 'boy'. Im not 12. I tell him that. He blushes.
I stand in front of the couch and pull at his legs, dragging his hips to the front of the seat and slumping him down into the depths of the cushions. I get down on my knees and suck his half hard cock into my mouth. I run my tongue around the head of his cock in my mouth, wetting it all over. I start to suck and twist, pulling down on his balls and thrusting up and down on his now rock hard cock. I can feel the detail of his veins on my tongue as they gorge with blood. His head rolls back to rest on the back of the couch. He stars up at the ceiling with his eyes somewhere in the back of his head. "Oh GOD" was all he groaned over and over as his hips made slight, almost undetectable undulations under the weight of my torso heavily pressed on his pelvis, locking him to the couch.
I start to run my hands up and down his smooth, muscle bulging thighs gently caressing his baby smooth skin. The tips of my fingers gently stroke at the sensitive skin of his inner thigh. The electricity of my gentle touch on such a sensitive area is not lost on his body as his cock jerks inside my mouth as I continue to suck in and out, around and around on his throbbing member. No words come from his mouth anymore, just groaning/gurgling sounds. Getting a guy this turned on makes me so damn hot. I love it when a guy is enjoying himself so much he just releases control and takes what Im giving to him.
I reach up and gently run my fingers around his nipples, feeling the pulses in his cock. I flick at them playfully and then grab them, pinching down on each one with an aggressive twist. His hips jerk up off the couch and thrust his cock to the hilt in my mouth. (Funny how I lost my gag reflex ages ago, when I first started with this whole gay sex malarky that move would of left me gagging back the chunder! But now? Nothing...) Anyway, the painful assault on his nipples and the resulting tightening of his balls brings him back to the moment and he stands up in front of me. "So thats how you like to play it?" He said with a glint. "You have no idea" I replied while standing to meet his gaze man to man. He reaches out and squeezes at my balls. Not a gentle squeeze but a steadily increasing pressure to test my limits. My eyebrow goes up in the way it only does when something is really getting me going. "Oh really?" he says, suddenly realising that Im not all goodness and light and pretty muscle boy. "You might be surprised" he adds bending down to strip the shoelace from his boot. He takes the string and nooses it around my balls, figure eights it and loops it around my thickly muscled thigh. He pulls it all tight and starts to pull up on the string, pulling my balls down and down stretch them to the limit.
And as any long term reader of this Blog will know, my balls are the keys to the castle.
I didn't get to where I wanted on the next instalment of the insainly hot muscle/spandex dude....so I thought I would take a break from typing and show y'all what Ive been up to in a more graphical sense.....
These photos were taken in May. This was the compitition in which I came first and won my place in next months Australasian Champs (for which I am now heavily into training for....)
** WARNING: Inflated Ego and Boasting Ahead!! **
You should all see what I look like now, Im going to come in so much tighter and Way Way WAY more ripped for the nationals... I'm gonna bring it.
So the way this starts is pretty darn typical for my encounters....Online. A special site devoted to devotees of all things spandex. I've message this guy a few times, he's got the look I like...he's flexing like a freaked out, vein entrapped muscle monster in each of his pictures. Smooth everywhere, and what he's wearing shows that I do mean everywhere.
We've messaged back and forwards a couple of times, we've been playing the game for a while. He's hesitant because he's the same age as my father...but my Dad does not look like that!
Finally his hesitation falls victim to my hornyness (and my need for blog fodder) so the date is set and I meet him at the front gates of his … building. Nice place, view of the water that made me stop. Right there. Stuck. The sun was starting to dip into the horizon so the warm late winters haze of the weekend was melting into the chilly dusk with a warm orange glow.
Smooth muscle man was just as muscled as in his picture, but he was also quite handsome and nice as hell. Which always helps. He invites me up and we head into the elevator and make small talk. He's an intelligent man, but I can't help by focus on the mountainous pecs that protrude through his thin, white and almost too tight bonds t-shirt. He's interested in my competitions, what I do for a living, how does a 24 year old come across so mature...you know. The usual. I ask him about living with the amazing view as he opens the front door to his apartment.
"Thats the view I usually get stuck at..." he said opening the door wide as I glanced through the apartment to the full floor to ceiling glass window which framed the bay, the boats, the city and the now emerging lights of the early dusk.
"Yeah, I can see why..." was my response as my attention turned to my host. I grab his thick muscular neck and draw him in, slightly pulling his glasses askew. I pull him close and kiss him, deeply exploring his mouth and sucking at his spit. I can feel the smile on his face as he kisses me back, one hand shimmying down my chest, across my abs to settle on the lengthening bulge building in the crotch of my cargo pants.
"I didn't think a guy like you would be into kissing" he said, wiping our combined spit from his mouth with the back of his hand in a masculine sweep.
"Just wait and see what Im into..." I grab him and we embrace closer, locking lips as we make our way down towards the couch.
I back online!! Horay! It only took 3 attempted deliveries of my Broadband modem, one 45 minute session listening to on hold music, three really unhelpful call centre staff and then JACKPOT one call centre dude who knew what the hell he was doing!!! And wham, it was all fixed.
Wow so much to tell you'all and so much to catch up on. Of course the first thing I did when I got online was to head straight over to shotgunvideo.com to check the internet speed. You know, nothing like some streaming previews of guys getting the spunk bashed out of them to check that ADSL+2 connection speed.
At the moment I am 5 and a half weeks out from my big bodybuilding competition; the Australasian Championships. My coach says I am running ahead. I could be ready in three weeks, which gives me plenty of time to harden up and make myself look like the true freak I've always wanted to be on stage. All the guys at work have been supper supportive and helped me out in ways I could never ask for. Im working with a great team, and the management are really impressed by the kinds of things I'm achieving. I also keep on taking new work which is outside of my area, more strategic and long term stuff that takes the pressure off the management team. A release in pressure that they are really noticing, so that's nice.
Living closer to the city is fantastic and it's been such a super change in my life. I'm really really loving living by myself, especially as I get closer to comp and get less and less sociable. I was worried that I wasn't doing the really social stuff that my co-workers do, that I was achieving less in the social space then that of my peers until last week one of them confessed that she didn't know how I was doing all the training and working hours I did and still had any time at all.... I keep forgetting that the sheer volume of time I spend working out is a little more then standard. That made me feel better and with a sunny weekend just passed (reminding us all that summer is soon on it's way) and the count down to my comp (and the promise of less devouring gym sessions) I am looking forward to a truly playful summer! (I mean Brenton simply has to take me his favourite beach!! ;-P)
I have a story from a few weeks ago about a meet up that I had with a 40 plus year old guy with a major (MAJOR) fetish for lycra and muscles. Fortunately for me, he had tonnes of both!! Chest, abs, arms and a giant swooping back...this guy is worth his own post. Which he will get soon enough....
I also plan on posting some of my comp pic from last time. I am still really proud of what I achieved there and they make me excited to think what I can achieve this time around with the assistance of a good and attentive coach. I'm going to blow them all away!! (or at least look like I belong at a national level competition). The young kid who works the reception at my gym nearly had a heart attack when I did a little pose for him in the gym foyer...
But that's something that I will explain fully later...Gotta leave a little mystery
Its great to be back...now I have to go and spend some time reading the blogs I love and need to catch up on.
Just a quick message snuck through in a seedy Internet "Cafe" very early in the morning.... Since moving out of home I have no internet access to get access to my online life. I've ordered internet for my apartment, but these things take time (apparently)...and all access to the kinds of sites I need to post from work are either locked down, or heavily monitored.... And my kind of online life is not going to be the subject matter for the water cooler discussions for the IT geeks who work on my floor... (Like so many other poor, privacy infringed individuals who work for our company) So alas, this is all I can manage for now. A single note to this page letting you'all know that I am alive and well. Loving life and living large... and busting to get back online to tell you all about it.
I love my new Leather Couch, my sexy kitchen, my simple bedroom, both of my bathrooms, my street, my neighbourhood, everything!!! BUT, I hate the mess my apartment is in right now. (The mess won't last long) but there is cardboard and foam packaging everywhere in my apartment, and I have no idea how to get rid of it. Its not going to fit in a standard bin. I might be off to the tip this weekend... And then I get to go shopping for all the things I never really thought of having to buy. Like a can opener, toilet roll holders and a laundry basket... Simple I know, but all stuff I took for granted as just always being there.
But once I settle into my new place and unpack all my clothes (unpacking is soooo time consuming!!)...I'm going to have so much fun.
I'm even working out at CityGym this weekend, so you never know what's going to happen ;-) (Although you can always be hopeful...)
An early 20's dude who's trying hard to do something interesting... Which results in a manic obsesion with doing 'stuff'...(Like learning how to DJ, Learning how to wrestle, Competing in Bodybuilding, trying to get laid....repeatedly)
